Choosing to be happy.

When I was 13 I began to self-harm. Whatever I could do to feel pain, I did it. Cutting, burning, hitting, scratching, whatever it took. I had a friend at my school who told me and a few of our mutual friends that she did. Being the impressionable 11 year old that I was...I got trapped in the horrible world of self-harm. Before I go on let me clear up some misconceptions.
1. It is an illness, not for attention, okay Maybe when I was 11, a small part of me was seeking attention; but 11 years later I think we can rule that out.
2. I am not attempting suicide, I do not wish I was dead, nor
Do I dislike myself. If I knew why I did it I would tell you, trust me.
3. I have sought help many times and I am very happy with my current psychologist, I have been clean for 6 months now.
4. It's almost a feeling of like swelling, I know that sounds weird but hear me out. I feel like I am almost going to pop, there is just so much emotion inside of me, I have to let it out. Some people smoke, go running, or lift weights. I chose a not so healthy option..

Honestly, I do not feel like my illness has effected my Life greatly. I do not openly share it with friends, so it does not effect my relationships. When I told my boyfriend he did not judge me, or think I was just seeking attention. But now, when I get urges I have someone to call :)
My parents found out about my problem soon after it started and I definitely noticed a change in the way they treat me. They tiptoed around me, always asked me what I was feeling,
And the worst part? They felt like it was all their fault! Like they did something wrong. After them
coming to a few of my sessions with me my psychologist and I soon got them to understand that there was nothing that they did wrong! I love my parents very much and my daddy is my best friend.
I can either choose to let my illness effect my happiness or stay strong and try my hardest to stay clean.
Thank you for reading!